Apart From Him

It’s funny, I thought about writing this blog weeks ago as I was spending a wonderful week in Aruba. I call it my week with Jesus. Christian or not- you would agree that spending a week in Aruba is close to spending a week in heaven. It was. I had seven full days of sleeping in late, long walks to the sandy white beach with my Ravi podcasts, sipping pina coladas, eating delicious food, and spending afternoons with my dear friend, Angela.

I was so refreshed, so encouraged, so rejuvenated to carry on in the daily challenges of life. My first thought is to say the daily challenges of my work with COTN, but the more important challenges which we all face are those of our own walk with God- our “personal holiness,” as I recently heard it described.

If that sounds a little weird- don’t give up reading quite yet!

If you’ve read this far you know me well enough to know where I stand with my faith- I believe Jesus is the hope of all men and has for us a purpose greater than ourselves, a purpose that in itself gives us meaning for life.

So, back to my time in Aruba. Without Internet access and a cell phone I had several days to consider my personal holiness. It was quite easy to see the truth- spending endless hours with God brought about all that He says it will- peace, joy, hope, love, purpose… I can sum it up by saying that by giving God space in my life, I reaped the richness of knowing Him more.

Psalms 63 is, in fact, true:

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you:
My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
And beheld your power and your glory.
Because you love is better than life,
My lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
And in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
With singing lips my mouth will praise you.

I left completely convinced, fully reminded that apart from Him I have nothing- no purpose, no joy, no peace… I will spare you the theological backing to that statement. (Check out Ravi Zacharias podcasts to hear it eloquently communicated.) Nevertheless, being reminded of who God actually is and what He has done for me gave me great confidence to face the daily grind of things to come.

I was sure I was on my way to personal holiness… and for a few days I could only dream of being back in Aruba and having ample time to bask in the presence of God and learn more about Him… but, here I am two weeks later and I took much of today to spend time with Him and I have not yet cracked my Bible or any other book or podcast that will serve to refresh my soul. Well, except for the three episodes of The Office that I watched earlier.

Speaking with a friend tonight, we found we could both come up with the “church answers.” You know, if you don’t know the answer, just say “Jesus.” There are so many “church answers” for life's questions! And, honestly, many of the answers are true. However, we have heard than so many times or we have heard them communicated in such a manner that the impact and the validity of the answer loses something along the way.

For example:
Question: How do I remain focused on God?
Church Answer: Read your Bible, pray, go to church…
Truth within Answer: God is a person. Spend time with Him and the more you know the
omnipotent, omniscient, all-good God, the more you will love Him and the more you will
remain focused on Him.

The how is often times so much easier than the implementation of the how. I stepped off of the plane from Aruba back into the self-imposed captivity of my Outlook calendar. Want to know what I am doing in July 2009? I can tell you.

What good is access to the throne of God if we are too busy to pay Him a visit, let alone if we are too busy to sit, to dwell there? If we drive by and never stop? I fully believe that Jesus is who He said He is. I truly believe that apart from Him there is no hope, no life. Again, small words with much meaning. I wonder if the Church, or maybe just if I, lived each day accordingly what change that would bring about in me and what change that would bring about in a very hurting world.

I am realizing more and more that I cannot afford not to live accordingly.

The greatest thing that I, or you, can offer kids in Africa, your friends, spouse, fellow staff... is our personal holiness. And, I am learning more and more just how much it matters to God- he does not desire most the work that I do- even if it involves orphans in Africa- he desires me. can I get a witness? Mmmhhh... (that was my charismatic groan of agreement)

This blog has been posted so that you can know this struggle in my life- a Christian for many years, a missionary— but can also be assured that after so many years I am still thoroughly convinced that there is no greater joy than to know Christ more.

And, all this started in a manger 2009 years ago.

Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
His paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been His counselor?
Who has ever give to God that God should repay him?
For from him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever. Amen. (Romans 11:33-36)

Recommended Listening:
Ravi Zacharias podcasts – a bit more intellectual
Andy Stanley podcasts – great truths in plain English
Isaac Hunter podcasts – great truths from a wise (and entertaining) man

And It All Came Tumbling Down

Last night I was awoken by a loud BANG! It sounded as if someone had thrown open my door against my bedroom wall, entered and fired a shot gun. In my hazy state of semi-consciousness I found myself lying paralyzed in fear. Granted, my thought process would have been different at 3pm as opposed to 3am; nevertheless, there I lay completely still until I was able to fall asleep again.

When my alarm rang at 5:33am to go running, I glanced over my shoulder and saw the source of the big BANG … my closet shelf had broken and 82 hangers full of dresses, jackets and tops (mostly black) had come crashing down with a number of previously meticulously organized photo boxes. It looked like an acme bomb had exploded.

The whole scene was the final detail needed to illustrate something which I have been considering the last few weeks: The blessedness of possessing nothing.

It is such a simple statement but so difficult to truly act on. As I was clearing away the refuge from my closet bomb I counted 15 pairs of jeans, 35 pairs of shoes and nearly 75 empty hangers waiting to be used. Notably some of my wardrobe has been diligently preserved since the sixth grade (my grandmother would be proud); still, the challenge remains for me to reconcile having so much with my intimate knowledge of the desperate reality facing so many others with whom I share this unique place as a part of Humanity.

The desperate reality cannot simply be dismissed as, “Africa” or “poverty” or “Third World” because last Saturday morning I spent three hours in a superhero costume at Restore Orlando, a local urban ministry for kids located ten miles from my home. I held real children on my lap, I ran relay races with them, I watched as they ate turkey dogs in the park. I was fully present in their reality- and it looked so much different from mine.



St. Augustine said, “Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” Yet, there seem to be so many other alternatives in which I find my rest. I have often times ended up serving the very things which were created to be subservient to me.

I know counting out the clothing in my closet is an overly simplified approach; but, it seemed to accurately represent my dilemma. My closet crash left me lying paralyzed in fear.

It is tempting to completely nullify the dilemma with the argument that owning clothing in and of it self is not bad, but I have even been challenged on that notion as of late. At what point should I reconcile the quantity of clothing, or whatever luxury it is, that I own with my knowledge of the deprivation of the most basic needs facing my fellow members of Humanity in my own city and abroad.

Words like hungry, naked and homeless actually describe people living very near me. And, to an even more extreme standard they describe millions of children living around the world.

I am not saying that everyone should strive to live just above the poverty line. I return to the notion of the blessedness of possessing nothing. I want to—no, I need to—be just as ready, willing, and excited to invest my resources into the lives of the poor as I am about a purchasing a killer new pair of shoes. More so, I need to invest the same time and energy to intentionally seek out the needs of others as I do to peruse the shoe department.

With that being understood, today I am asking myself if there is anything in my life which, should it come crashing down, would engulf me in fear? Do I possess anything so much that I would not be ready to freely surrender it for the sake of another?

I am assured it will be a lifelong question as well as a quest for the freedom afforded by the blessedness of possessing nothing.

Related Readings:
A.W. Tozer The Pursuit of God
John Piper A Hunger for God

To Blog or not to Blog. It has been brought to my attention that I do not have much of a blog following. To determine if I will continued blogging, will you please leave a comment or shoot me an email if you have read to the bottom of this entry? Muchas Gracias!

What is Your Greatest Need?

Tonight I was asked a rather familiar question: What is the greatest need facing Children of the Nations?

Although it's pretty narrowed down at the moment- secondary schools(!)- the question always brings an array of thoughts to my mind- schools, vehicles, internship scholarships, etc...

Nevertheless, I love the question each time it arises. It indicates that someone is considering our kids, someone has taken notice and is willing to take action. Admittedly, often times the problems in Africa or other developing nations are so overwhelming that we become paralyzed. We can be such an all-0r-nothing culture. If I can't do it all, I will do nothing.

We hear the statistics and in hearing them the situations of the subjects (aka people) often become less real to us. It's like Monopoly money. I mean, who really has a stack of 500,000 bills? Just consider the facts below:

• Some 3,000 children die of malaria each day in Africa, one every 30 seconds. (National Geographic, July 2007)
• Malaria is the biggest killer of children under 5. (The Africa Malaria Report)
• Malaria costs Africa more than $12 billion annually. (The World Bank)

Honestly, is it possible to truly understand the above "hard facts," or perhaps more than understand- is it possible to truly feel the impact of such a harsh reality? Wen Kilama, a Tanzanian malaria researcher translated the above statements regarding malaria in this way: "If seven Boeing 747s full of children crashed into a mountain every day, would the world take measures to prevent it?"

Imagine you are walking on a shore full of starfish... :0 Not really.

It's simple, the greatest need for every child in Africa is that we take notice and that we live our lives in light of what we know-- there are great needs to be met and we have the opportunity to be a part of meeting them.

Enter In

Henri Nouwen, in Out of Solitude, a book recording his speech addressing graduates at Princeton University, devotes several pages to the topic of “caring.”  It is from within these pages that I have been greatly challenged in the past weeks.  As an American, as a Type-A, task-driven individual working in Malawi I find that I have often times been compelled by the cure without allowing myself to truly care for the person. 

 Jesus always cared.  He was not afraid to enter into the pain or the need of the individual he was curing.  After years of working in Malawi, I began to attribute my comfort with poverty to the fact that I now know and see the people more than the situation.  But, a good friend who spent a year in Malawi put it best when she said, “They [Malawians] really do constantly know poverty that to me seems like a play they act only to go home and eat food from the Fresh Market or WholeFoods.” 

 After reading and re-reading this chapter, I found myself more cognizant of numerous opportunities to care.  In Malawi, the act of caring often times remains close to the original Greek word “Kara,” meaning to lament. For me, it has meant sitting or standing with a friend or child and allowing myself to feel what they feel and to weep for the things which they weep—an old friend suffering the loss of his baby, a young girl’s childhood replaced by motherhood, a child lacking the most basic of needs.  Because they are impoverished and because babies go hungry and die in the Third World does not remove their pain. 

 We each have the ability to truly care for someone.  I, for one, am beginning to better understand the importance and the necessity of allowing myself to do so.  It has not been easy and it has not been neat.  But, somehow in doing so, I have become acutely more aware of the commonality of our humanity and our common need for a God who can offer hope in the midst of hopelessness.