Only Now

It is my last evening at the COTN Casa in the Dominican Republic. I am soaking in the opportunity to process all that my eyes have taken in during the past weeks. There is always so much to learn from the generous people I meet in-country.

For instance, I am amazed by the way they manage to find blessing in distress. There is great need in distress, but perhaps the pure recognition of "need" is a blessing. The pressure of relying on one's self is not even an option. For so many other cultures, this seems to be a given. But, I find that for me and many others, as an American, we have somehow lost the ability to recognize the blessing in need. As if, "having stuff" numbs the reality of our greatest needs.

During the past two weeks- for the first time in my life- I seem to have begun to understand the detriment of self-reliance- especially with regards to my faith. For instance, the following statements pertaining to living as a Christian are all statements beginning with "I:"

• I need to...
• I should...
• I shouldn't...

They are statements of behavior modification which place the responsibility on the Christian- not Christ. As a result, the above statements negate the very miraculous thing which Christians profess Christ has accomplished for us.

The Christian believes:

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life that I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Gal 2:20

"...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." II Cor 12:9

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." Ezekiel 36: 25-27

If these statements are true, it is not a matter of I, Jody, doing or not doing or needing or performing anything to be a Christian, to be loved by Christ. I am not the focus of the Christian life- Christ is the focus. "It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Phil 2:13).

I no longer need to love others well (a noble Christian act). I no longer need to forgive or surrender or give or sacrifice (all noble actions of a Christian). I no longer need to live FOR Christ!

The beauty, the miracle, the perfection of the Christian life is that no one need live for Christ. That would suggest He needs us, that the Creator needs the creation. Rather, as one who trusts that Christ has given me a righteousness that I couldn't accomplish on my own, and who has accepted the gift of His Spirit, He only asks that I live FROM him.

I am beginning to believe that one of the greatest, most damning tragedies in history is the misunderstanding of this truth.

Personally, I have exhausted myself living for him, always trying to do more and to do it better. Yet the Bible continually speaks about the Christian life being a life of rest and peace. Let's be honest- anyone trying to live for God will never be at rest. Well, we may take a sabbatical or a long weekend... However, until we recognize that God never intended for us to do His work for him, we will never experience the freedom for which Christ gave his life.

And, for my dear friends who have not trusted Christ- I can only apologize that we Christians have not rightly represented what he offers.

Trusting Christ is not "asking Jesus to forgive your sins." Rather, it's trusting that through the cross He already has. Then, it's continuing to learn to lean into him to finish what he starts in your life.

Behavior modification is so B.C. Don't sell short what Jesus has done by focusing on what you need to give up. Lean into him and as I can attest, your desires will naturally begin to look more like his- not by force of changed behavior.

It has taken me 29 years to realize this truth. I have been a performing Christian for most of my life. I can't express how much I am looking forward to the next 29 years as a free Christian.

Recommended Reading: (I have not gotten through all of these yet...)
Grace Walk by Steve McVey
Abba's Child by Brennan Manning
The Rest of the Gospel by Greg Smith

Photographs from Haiti

Distributing bread to a camp.

Distributing bread to a camp.

A church building

From the window of the van.

Women waiting in line for food.

Holy Hades!

Holy Hades (as in Hay-deez)! I had a Fiery Furnace Experience last night.

Immediately upon arriving at the Children of the Nations Casa (mission house) in the Dominican Republic, I fell asleep to the loud hum of the A/C unit in my room. The air was cool and it agitated my lingering chest cold a bit, but it was so welcome.

In the middle of the night it stopped. The hum stopped, the coughing stopped… the cold air stopped. Enter Fiery Furnace. Of course, to keep a fire ablaze would have been a supernatural feat, as the air in my room was holding strong to it’s 110% humidity …directly above me… around me… on me.

Finally, I peeled myself out of my pool of a bed to replenish my own hydration, which had now been fully sapped into the Casa air. I wandered through the hall, down the stairs and around to the water machine. Since I may have forgotten to pack pajamas, I was sporting a black dress and praying the married couple in the room next to me would not be on the same late-night trek for water.

As I wandered by the light of my iphone, I considered the newest iphone App- the H20 App- a mapping device which would lead one to the nearest source of drinking water.

The water machine at the Casa didn’t even see me coming. I grabbed a plastic cup, filled it and drank like I was at mile 24 of a marathon. I basically dumped it on my face and slurped in anything that came near my now-swollen tongue. Cup after cup I drank… and one for the road.

After my dousing myself at the water machine, I headed back up to my bed with all notions of healthy and safety far removed. I decided I would grasp at my last hope- that the outside Caribbean air would be even one degree cooler than my sauna, my personal Bikraims studio if you will. The air was, indeed, a full ½ degree cooler. In my daze, I jumped at the opportunity to sleep with the door open to the outside world. Somehow, the mere possibility of creating air movement in my room trumped the risk of anything (tarantula, bat, etc.) or anyone (thief?) entering my room during the night.

By the time the loud jolt of the generator started to sound in the morning, I was up and standing with my finger on the A/C unit on/off button, ready to usher the manufactured air back into my room and lungs. Alas, it happened. The gates of Hades opened and the cool breeze of the Sunbeam window unit entered and with it’s breath came the best hours of sleep I have ever had.